Today is the most normal I have felt in days. Still exhausted, and in a daze, but being at work is helpful and staying busy is good.
Sarah went to visit a friend in Boulder last night and had a fantastic time there (Which I was so glad to hear). I'm sure it was refreshing and rejuvenating to get away from the fire, smoke, destruction, and chaos. I am so glad she had the opportunity to go there, see a familiar face, and meet some amazing new ones. We had lunch together today and had a chance to catch up which definitely brightened my day.
Brandon, my friend who owns the apartment we are staying in got home last night. He and I had sandwiches, wine, and watched a movie. This was of course after I got him up to speed on the events of this week.
Despite the wine I had an incredibly sleepless night. I lied awake on the couch for hours with a million things rushing through my mind. Things at work I started freaking out about whether or not I had completed the - constantly second-guessing myself. I thought about all of the "what-if's" with the home. What if there are still things inside that are salvageable. What if it's still standing but all is a total loss. What about rebuilding? What if the home stays and is restored, there is a great danger of flash flooding in the area.
I am so thankful that none of my mother, Patrick, or Meemaw's things have been moved out here and they are still in their home in MD, nothing displaced - but the contents of the house on Courtney Drive contains all of my things. Granted, they are just things - and nothing of great value, but I started over from scratch 2 years ago - building my life out of nothing. Am I strong enough to do this again?
I know that the mere fact the house was spared from total devastation is a miracle and a blessing. But, other than a standing structure - nothing is for sure. I know that on the other side of this, God will have me come out as a stronger woman, but there are moments I ask why? Why after going through so much in the last two years does it seem I'm back to where I started?
Then, I remember that I am not the same woman that I was 2 years ago. I'm little older, a little wiser, and a LOT stronger. Not to mention, I have my better half (Sarah) here with me and this time, I don't have to go it alone. All these things considered, I am a blessed woman and I smile when I think of how truly rich I am.
I am overwhelmed by the amount of support and love we have been shown. I know because of the people in my life and the community around me that I have absolutely nothing to worry about. I have clothing, shelter, food, and most importantly fellowship.
People at my work have already begun to show great generosity. I look forward to a few needs fulfilled this coming week. Bed sheets, towels, help with needed essentials, and dinner casseroles are among the gifts we have been offered. Community is a beautiful thing.
Despite trying my hardest to maintain a positive outlook, I am still exhausted and stressed beyond what is tolerable. I had a trip planned for this weekend that has been the highlight of my summer since January - and overnight moonlight rafting trip with dozens of rafting friends. I considered forgoing the trip due to the circumstances, but after talking with those close to me and who know the events of this week and what we've been through, they (and I too) feel it is a good idea for me to get out of town for a couple of days. The devastation and terror we have felt over the last few days have been overwhelmingly exhausting. I need to regroup.
Sarah will be here in the Springs with Campi taking it easy and relaxing. She has made several friends here who are available to her at a moment's notice and she is looking forward to an uneventful weekend. I will have limited reception on my phone, but might try to post some pictures of beautiful Buena Vista, CO where I'll be in Brown's Canyon.
I know reality will be waiting for me when I get back, but I am sincerely looking forward to a day of smokeless air, white water, good friends, and sunshine.
Love to you all!
MJ
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| Mount Princeton, Buena Vista, CO |
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